stressed or joyful?

I was thinking the other day... that most of my friends, or I guess at least those that I relate to the most, are all pro-active, highly motivated, ambitious, and highly scheduled individuals. In my career, I really respected one of my co-workers/friends for these traits in her. I thought she was the BEST and would certianly go far in her career because of those traits. I too had these traits... but then I quit work to stay home with my daughter, and a switch INSTANTLY flipped. I had no desire anymore for all that committment/overscheduling/expectations. I just wanted to enjoy my time with my daughter and be a bit more laid back. I could then see the differences in our motivations when I would talk to the aforementioned person. It was funny bc before I would have totally supported everything she was saying and doing. But after having a shift of my own, I began to think about the impact of those types of behaviors and actions on the children involved. I think it is possible to have expectations that are too high when it comes to life and our kiddos. Now I think u probably think this sounds insane but hear me out. If we are always only expecting (and tolerating) the BEST from our kids, don't u think they may start to feel like they've let us down or can never achieve the standard we have set for them if we set it too rigidly and too high? I think love and nurturing are so important and so if we push and push our kids and only expect the best, then we can possibly make them feel unloved because they aren't ALWAYS going to be doing or acting their best.
This is something I struggle with. Even though I say a 'switch flipped' when I quit working (which it did), I still have tendancies from my old personality that flow through my behavior and actions. I still want to be perfect and I still try to overshedule. I am currently working on both these areas. I KNOW deep down I'm not perfect and no one is, but its a work in process to try to ACCEPT that and then live your life JOYFULLY, with the knowledge of imperfection in your life.

Probably sounds stupid to those of u who may not have any struggle with this, but for those of us who do struggle with it, its hard. Its constant. It takes effort. Constantly in my head I have to fight my first choice/plan which is to follow my schedule and makes things perfect, and instead sometimes (hopefully more often than not), let my second choice (which SHOULD be my first choice anyway----which by the way when I win this battle the two things will have switched positions and then it won't be a constant fight in my head anymore). But let that second choice, which is to just go with the flow and do what my kids want to do, and put the 'schedule/plan' on the back burner. I know spending time with them and making loving memories is more important than anything else anyway, so it should be easy to do this, but that stupid battle in my head is always running.
And its not even that I have a TON of things on my plate. I don't really feel like I'm over-stretched or over-committed, its just that with what I do want to accomplish (clean house, misc projects at house, bath kids, feed everyone, work out, spend time with God, play with kids, misc etc that always pops up) I make a schedule in my head (or on paper) and my goal is to finish that schedule everyday. But, just because its my schedule doesn't mean its on the kids' schedule and they really have no concept of time, so when bedtime is 8pm and at 7pm they are asking to go for a bike ride, play chalk, play ball, have a snack, read a book, AND watch a movie, its like Whoa! we don't have time for all these things, PLUS u need a bath, so I feel like half the time I'm always ushering them on to some 'task' instead of just playing with them and enjoying our time together. We do spend time playing and doing all those things they mentioned, plus more, but I feel like the bad guy because I'm trying to keep them on this 'schedule' of bedtime and bathtime and everything else, so we can't ALWAYS do ALL the things they want to do all the time. I don't know, maybe this is silly. I just don't like the fact that a battle goes on in my head (I literally talk myself through it "its more important to play right now Rene', you can clean that bedroom/paint the door/organize your photos/etc later. Its ok, just play. Enjoy it. Don't think about what WAS on your schedule WHILE u are playing. Just play!"). Instead, I wish I was just doing these things, WITHOUT thinking about the OTHER things I think I SHOULD be doing, but in reality, AREN'T that important. I keep reminding myself that there will be many years for me to 'work on my schedule' all by myself. But right now the kids are here and they want to play with ME. Therefore , that makes it more important to play right now, nothing else matters.

By the way, when I started thinking about these traits that were prevalent in myself and my friends, I also noticed that these same people seemed to be struggling with issues like I am, or they are unhappy with these schedules, or always feel stressed. YET, other people I know, who aren't in any way like that (no schedules, no committments, no motivation, no drive or ambition)... are happy.

Did you hear that? They are happy. Their kids are happy.
It makes me think that maybe they knew something that I didn't, and their way was the better way to go.
Now, I've got to try to change habits and patterns that have been forming throughout my whole life to be more laid-back and 'take it as it comes' mentality so that I can raise happy kids and be happy too.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts and my observations, based on my circle of aquaintances, mixed in with my personal challenges. Writing on paper makes me own it more and therefore be more committed to fixing it. And who knows maybe someone reading this has some of these thoughts too and it will help them to face something they may want to change as well.

The funny thing is... and this is hard to admit. But the people I admired are the ones not succeeding in being happy people raising happy kids, But the people (let's be honest here) who I didn't admire, are the ones I have to admit ARE succeeding in living happy lives and raising happy kids. I guess my focus was wrong all these years and they knew something I didn't. Now that I know , its my job to fix it, so that's what I'm trying to do.